Generic Political Blog or An Idiot's Guide to Bullshit

It's only the second day of classes and already I'm starting to feel sleep deprived...in order to keep myself awake while I wait for my next class to start, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to try to blog about politics.

So what do we have? Two candidates at each others throats about the most trivial bullshit issues I've ever heard of, it must be election time! Actually, it's not the candidates that are stirring up most of the bullshit that I've seen. After a fine afternoon of browsing pieces of flair on FaceBook, I've learned that Obama is but one letter away from Osama. That, and Obama's recent choice of running-mate, Joe Biden, who's last name is strikingly close to Bin Laden! And then there's Obama's middle name: Hussein! Holy crap! Obama must be a terrorist! And George Bush is actually pubic hair around a vagina! Obama also has the unfortunate initials of B.O. and a last name that, while very fun to sing the "Banana Fanna" song to, lends itself to the admittedly creative portmanteau Obamanation and the slightly less impressive No!bama. Let's all laugh at him!

Vote John McCain. Because Republicans can use PhotoShop

To be fair, I have to point out the other end of the spectrum. McCain...what bullshit are the democrats stirring up about him? Let's see...well, he's old, he's republican, he's not black...Hmmm...oh! Here's one!

HA! Democrats can use PhotoShop too!

So let's review: Obama is a terrorist with a name people like to make fun of, while McCain is actually Orson Wells in disguise. These are completely legitimate reasons to decide who to vote for, right? IS THIS A COUNTRY OF FUCKING FIVE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN?

It seems that both sides are more adept at slinging shit than monkeys at the zoo. I can say, however, that there seems to be significantly less of it aimed at McCain. Does this mean that McCain's a better person? That the democrats aren't as creative? That republicans are negative assholes? I don't necessarily agree with any of these theories, but the fact remains that most of the negative energy is coming from the red side.

The first presidential campaign commercial I saw this year was for McCain..well, I can't say "for McCain" so much as "against Obama." We've all seen it by now. The one that opens with dramatic music and screaming fans, and then we hear the voice-over. Oh God, that voice! Who here didn't have nightmares as a kid about an evil nanny with a voice just like that?

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

So the evil nanny lady tells us that Obama is a mix between Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears, which so obviously not true. I mean, he's black! And then we hear a bunch of negativity about Obama telling us why we shouldn't vote for him, but who listens to that crap anyway? We close with a very flattering picture of McCain, looking very American, all primped and made pretty by people who are probably over paid. He looks up into the light and the music swells! OMGZ I'M GONNA VOTE 4 HIM!!




Seriously people? This ad could actually pass off as a satire illustrating how ridiculous negative campaigns are.

Negative advertising pisses me off so much that I, being the petty person that I am, am actually inclined to vote against someone who's telling me not to vote for someone else, just to spite them. I was quite proud of Obama for a while because the commercials I saw for him were actually urging people to vote FOR him, instead of AGAINST McCain, but alas, it was inevitable. I soon came across a negative attack ad from the Obama campaign. At least it was a half-and-half, trashing McCain and then talking about Obama, instead of just talking about McCain eating babies and whatnot.

So what's the moral of the story? I dunno, how about stop with the bullshit, America. Or we could take it another step...Stop buying into the bullshit, and eventually it will stop coming. I'm gonna wrap this up quick because I'm almost out of battery and I don't have internet at my apartment. Happy voting season!

Oh, and by the way, I'm not nearly smart or well-informed enough to argue about anything political, these are just interesting findings that I decided to share, so don't expect me to get into an intelligent conversation about the issues at stake here.